The hunt for a church home

[Findingmyway]

Hi all,

Is anyone familiar with Acts 29? I am very weary of new churches, and have started screening their websites to see if it would be a good fit for my family. I have recently come to terms with church shopping is hard... and trying to quiet the CoC in me is hard. I question everything, and am possibly making this journey harder on myself than needs to be. Trying to rewire my brain as to what worship services should look like and how in depth the sermons and teaching should be is hard. So far all I hav found is fluff... and rock concerts with light shows and smoke machines. Which i find totally distracting.. I feel like many of the churches in my area have broken off of the last church based on music and worship teams rather than on the actual mission of the church. If the church even has a mission.

[agricola]

Visiting churches on a drop in once/twice basis doesn't give a very balanced view - and different congregations vary, even within the same denomination.
I've also found that some people go to a certain church for a lot of reasons, and it may often be the case that some members can't really tell you WHAT their denomination teaches, because that isn't why they attend, and they don't actually know.

I'd REALLY recommend checking out the Handbook of Denominations in the US for nice, concise statements of the origins and basic doctrines of practically everything you can think of.

You might find a Quaker congregation, though, if you are looking for quiet: Quaker services are practically silent, unless somebody is moved to speak.

What is actually necessary for a 'church'? what is simply a style you appreciate and prefer? Is 'weekly communion' actually necessary, or just something you personally want? Is it a deal breaker? What about pianos/organs/choirs? Ok, not okay, preferred or not? How about a liturgical year, which leads the congregation through the gospel story, and emphasizes the Christian year and its meaningful seasons (Advent, Christmas, Lent, Easter)?

If you are just trying to find a church that is exactly like a coc without being a coc, I think you will be disappointed. You might want to study up on what makes a coc an outlier among the worldwide Christian community (where coc doctrines are unusual or outright heretical).

[KLP]

I can't stand "the show"...essentially most places it is an audience consuming a show. Rock band show for the most part along with mind numbing repeating lyrics with background of clouds and mountains. Often the speaker can be wonderful, but it is still a show. And really that is what CofC was for the preacher,,,it was show time each week. Best I found was home/house church type stuff where no one was in charge and a smallish group of people were sitting close and facing each other. Beyond that it becomes a weekly and perfunctory event. But it takes effort to keep house church going because many folks think it isn't "real" if there is no building or sign out front. Plus when you tell folks they think you are strange and weird...so there is pressure to get a building or a space. Downhill from there was my experience.

Sorry I cannot be more encouraging or upbeat. But if you don't like "the show" then there is not much else out there in the offing.

[Shrubbery]

You want to look for the words "traditional service" on some of the signs to avoid a show. And some denominations don't do the shows (yet). Your more liturgical churches (Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopal, etc.) tend to have traditional services. Many Methodist churches I've seen have both traditional and "contemporary" options. Contemporary = show. Baptists seem to be either traditional or contemporary based on individual congregation. Depending on how far away from coc style you want to get, Disciples of Christ/Christian Church is somewhat similar in service type but a bit different in theology.

I wonder how long the contemporary service fad will go on. I hear a lot of complaints about it. One FB friend was Southern Baptist through and through, but he had a child with sensory issues who couldn't handle the contemporary services. He finally found a happy church home in a very progressive coc. This guy was pleasantly surprised, since he had visited an NICOC before and didn't like that.

I agree with KLP on the coc preacher being the "show" at the coc. When I was looking at possible churches to switch to, I found that the Episcopal church here has a 15 minute sermon! They do 4 scripture readings, some hymns and prayers, and a very short sermon that isn't an altar call/invitation. I listened to some of his sermons online and really enjoyed them. He made practical application of scripture being read during the service, tying the scriptures together (there are usually two readings from the OT - one from a narrative portion and one from prophets or psalms/proverbs, iirc, then 2 readings from the NT - one from the gospels and one from the epistles). Meanwhile at the coc, you have one short reading of scripture, then a bunch of prooftexting in the sermon that goes on for 45 minutes. No wonder you get sleepers! They'd probably preach until midnight like Paul if they thought the congregation wouldn't fire them.

[FinallyFree]

I go to a contemporary service, and I love it. Life is short & I wasted enough time at boring services that I got nothing out of, and I truly feel like the God of the universe is too busy to worry about whether an instrument is being played or whether you are clapping and enjoying yourself.

[agricola]

Jewish Shabbat morning services are about two and a half hours long (or longer!) and the 'sermon' is almost always about 15 minutes. When it is longer, it is because the congregants are asking questions and debating the answers. It's usually more like a short class.

And then there's food, and after that, sometimes there's MORE small group discussions, with (usually) schnapps.

[gordie91]

Jewish Shabbat morning services are about two and a half hours long (or longer!) and the 'sermon' is almost always about 15 minutes. When it is longer, it is because the congregants are asking questions and debating the answers. It's usually more like a short class.

And then there's food, and after that, sometimes there's MORE small group discussions, with (usually) schnapps.

Sounds like a normal Sunday for us except the questions and debating. Some days have more food than others, this time of year it is thin picking but in a couple more weeks the variety will really pick up and usually there is some beer.

I have a book by an Orthodox author comparing the similarities of the Jewish and early Christian worship or assemblies and the strong influences the Jewish pattern had on the early church. Very interesting that the similarities are still there, at least in the Orthodox liturgy.

[ena]

Jewish Shabbat morning services are about two and a half hours long (or longer!) and the 'sermon' is almost always about 15 minutes. When it is longer, it is because the congregants are asking questions and debating the answers. It's usually more like a short class.

And then there's food, and after that, sometimes there's MORE small group discussions, with (usually) schnapps.

I love matzo ball soup. If get the broth spiced right the matzo soaks it up. It is really a chicken based soup that the matzo thickens. My wife found an ancient rabbinical line hundreds of years ago in my male line. My grandpa claimed he was pure German. I don't believe in pure anything when it comes to race. I enjoyed that one. I have listened to a Rabbi read the greeting in Hebrew before reading the Torah. Hebrew is read from right to left backwards from English. I followed his yad. It is a pointer that often looks like a small hand with the finger pointing. I saw another writing a Torah in ink on calf skin. I understand that Torah's are certified to be exact copies before they can be used. I have heard that scholars have read Torahs differing by thousands of years being exactly the same. I admire that.

[tifarmer]

While I doubt that "My Story: Why I Left the C of C" would be edifying--or even interesting--to you, Findingmyway, or any others, I do hope that someone on this forum can find a bit of comfort in this observation: those feelings of guilt (I'm turning my back on the very people who made me what I am) and shame (Why didn't I leave long ago?) and fear (What if they're right and I really am twice the child of hell . . . ?) do pass.

I found that it helped to be conscious and intentional for several years about ridding one's life of all superstition. And, sadly, it may require deaths in a generation or two older than you. But one day you'll drive by the--let's say--three CoC buildings within a few blocks of each other in some little town and feel only faint amusement.

[agricola]

Yes - eventually, those feelings pass.

We see FAR TOO MANY people who leave a coc, but bring too much of the coc mindset right along with them. Part of that mindset is the urgent idea that one MUST ATTEND SERVICES EVERY WEEK WITHOUT FAIL, and they end up jumping from the frying pan of the coc into the fire of some other too similar church, because it has those familiar features we were all trained to believe were necessary.

Us old folks on this forum invariably recommend that people TAKE A DEEP BREATH and TAKE A BREAK FROM CHURCH altogether (do something at home if you need to), and take some time to decompress from coc-church. No, you haven't 'left God' and no, you don't 'have to' be in a church building every single Sunday and Wednesday - that's coc OCD talking.

Take a break from 'church'. Learn more about yourself, your actual beliefs (versus what the coc told you to believe) and most of all, get educated about what normal Christianity traditionally taught and still teaches - learn more about it. Be able to compare what's normal and what's historical and what the coc says about both (the coc is neither normal NOR historical). Learn more, even, about the coc denomination itself and where it came from and why.

and THEN decide where you need to 'go', if you need to go anywhere.