Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Hello interwebs. Like everyone else here, I am a former coC member. Also, like a lot of you, I have tremendous emotional baggage from the coC. My dad isn't a member, but my mom has always been faithful to the coC and taught us to be Christians as well. Up until I stopped attending around 3 or 4 years ago, I looked like a coC success story. I was raised in a "sound" church in Appalachia, graduated from Freed-Hardeman in 2010, and (seemingly) kept attending church of my own volition in graduate school. I was baptized, regularly read my Bible, never swore, went on mission trips, never missed a service, and always helped out with the church as much as I could.

However, I hid from everyone--especially my immediate family--dissenting opinions that were increasingly irreconcilable with the coC. I disagreed with how the church treated women, LGBT folks (I later figured out I'm not a 0 on the kinsey scale myself), their legalistic leanings, narrow-minded interpretations, and emotional manipulation. The church wouldn't answer the questions I had but I knew that leaving the church would hurt my family, so I hid from everyone that I didn't agree with the coC. Shockingly, that only led to depression, anxiety, and feeling like a hypocrite. I'd still attend church even when I lived hours away from my parents because my mom had contacts across the South (who would report lax attendance to her), and when she would visit me she'd of course want to go to my church. Eventually, I couldn't take it any more so I broke down and told my sister. She tried to be understanding, but at the same time begged me not to stop going to church because she didn't want to have to lie to our mother about my attendance. Eventually, I couldn't take that any more, so I told my parents I wasn't a christian. My mom--who is very devout--wouldn't talk to me for several days, and to be honest we've drifted a little apart ever since then. When she did start talking to me again, she begged me not to stop going to church, but I just couldn't take it any more. She doesn't cry when she sees me now, thankfully, but she has taken to inviting me to church functions recently (despite the fact I haven't been to church in over 3 years).

Now that I've told my family I'm not a christian, I am happier overall. I don't feel tremendous guilt over attending a church that I don't agree with, I can live my life according to tenets I find make sense, and . . . I can just be happy. I still feel anxiety over my relationship with my family, especially with my mother and a general anxiety over the fear of Hell after death. I know my change in beliefs has hurt her, and that her world view makes it clear that I will suffer unimaginable torment for all eternity.

I'm still trying to work out what I really do believe, but right now I'm a little too burned out on religion in general. I emotionally feel that there is a higher power, but that is really just a feeling. I can easily see that I could be wrong. I might eventually try a unitarian church, but for now I'm loving sleeping in on Sunday mornings.

Hi,
I am a fellow Freedie myself. graduated in 2003 from grad-school and 2001 from B.S. I am sorry to hear your story, however, I am also sad that you totally quit going to church. There are many good churches that preach the truth and help you emotionally (not coc's). I am from India by the way and have been in opposition to almost all the things the churches of Christ teach. I have submitted my intro to this site a couple of days before you did, but somehow it was not yet approved or it might have somehow missed the admin. The coc's in entire India know my beliefs by now. I simply preach Christ and not church of Christ. This was and is my position. When I returned in 2003, it was very difficult for the churches to accept my position. Soon they branded me a heretic including my father who himself attended FHU and runs a preachers' training college. He is staunch believer of the doctrine of coc. Most of the churches in the southern part of US know me for my beliefs through my father who could not stop from defaming me. To this day he condemns me face to face, in public meetings, in magazines and anywhere he goes. My only support were my mother and sister, and after my mother passed away 4 years later, I was pretty much alone in faith with my sister younger than me. Five years later I began a website by the name <www.onepurpose.in> to proclaim the gospel I learnt as truth. To this day some denominations (as they are called) and all coc's fear inviting me or to fellowship with me. My dad has that kind of direct and emotional control over these churches and other leaders. Still, till today I persisted in standing to what I believe. Now, there is a mild change in some due to the monotony in the teachings and preaching of the coc ministers. I strongly believe that Christ does not exist in the name they adhere to. This website clearly portrays the nature and dimensions of the coc's. Anyways, glad to see you are out, but will be more than happy if you find a good church asap. It's not that you will burn in hell if you don't, but you will miss great joy, peace and blessings in walking with Christ. If you are willing, I can give you a couple of website addresses and you can examine them and from there on see whether there are churches in your area to attend. Don't worry as to what people might think. It's all and only about Christ and you first; the rest follows later.

Welcome! You will find comfort and help here.
Don't give up on your faith. There are churches that allow women to participate equally, don't mistreat LGBT people and don't hold to a strictly literal and legalistic interpretation of the Bible. I know because I have found one. I go to a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ).

Hi Doombunny

Welcome to the board. Your father reminds me of my husband's father.

Hi TrueTransformation

I have submitted my intro to this site a couple of days before you did, but somehow it was not yet approved or it might have somehow missed the admin.

We don't have an approval process. It's possible that your post took some time to write and was "timed out" by the software, which means it was never posted. Please go ahead and introduce yourself again. Before hitting the submit button, copy what you wrote. Then, if after hitting the submit button, you get a message that you are "timed out", you can paste your introduction into a new posting box without having to re-write it.

I knew that leaving the church would hurt my family, so I hid from everyone that I didn't agree with the coC. Shockingly, that only led to depression, anxiety, and feeling like a hypocrite. I'd still attend church even when I lived hours away from my parents because my mom had contacts across the South (who would report lax attendance to her), and when she would visit me she'd of course want to go to my church.

Good grief, I could have written that! We hear you - we REALLY hear you. When my parents turned up on my doorstep on an early Sunday morning (I was living 200 miles away at grad school then) and wanted to go to church with me, that was an EXTREMELY interesting morning! Thank goodness most coc's follow the same 'order of service' and I did at least know where the building was!

I think you've handled this reasonably well - all I did was move 2000 miles away and fail to mention the existence of a phone (this was pre-internet) for about ten years or so. You're a braver man than I am, Gunga Din.

Welcome to the board.

I credit the Church of Christ as the catalyst for inspiring me to study & research the origins & evolution of the bible & the Christian Faith. That study convinced me to become a non-believer. The immediate benefit from that decision was a 10% increase in my income after taxes.

Welcome aboard.

Welcome, and I hope you find a path that works for you, either with or without faith and/or religion. My mother had a similar reaction to yours when I left the COC. Eventually we developed a good relationship again, although of course she never approved of my apostasy. Her minister preached me into hell at her funeral.

Moogy wrote:Her minister preached me into hell at her funeral.

A true badge of honor for an esteemed ex-cofc board veteran.

Hello, and welcome, and glad you joined. I consider myself to be an ex-christian and unbeliever. You have already seen how difficult it is to break free from the coC, and I think breaking free from Christianity is much harder. I still prefer not to tell my family members that I am an unbeliever, as I don't see it leading to any productive discussions.

This can be a lively group from time to time, and you'll find a lot of different beliefs here. All major Abrahamic religions are represented here, as well as various levels of unbelief. Suffice it to say we don't always agree, but I like to think we stay cordial. Mostly.

Welcome!