Wish I had known

If you have privacy concerns, use a user name. This Support Board is for ex-CoC and those wishing to be ex-CoC. Others are asked not to read or post here. Check your email or trash for the email link to activate your account.
Post Reply
Truthfinder1975
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2017 12:35 pm
Location: Tennessee

Wish I had known

Post by Truthfinder1975 »

I wish I had known, when I married my husband who was raised in the church of christ, what the expectations I would be trying to live up to would do to the quality of my life. I was raised in several different churches so I did not understand at all what I was getting into. I realized pretty early on that I would never fit in. I disagreed with their idea that they were the only church that could get you to heaven. I was also very upset when they publicly disfellowed and shamed a former member. Add to that, my husbands father was an elder and his entire family attended. His Mother took it upon herself to relentlessly push me into attending gospel meetings, vbs, ect. I considered divorcing the man that I loved because his family and his church were constantly pushing me to do more, more, and more. I have stopped attending and told my mother in law to stop the tactless bossiness or get out of my house. My poor husband has been brainwashed his whole life into believing that we can not attend another church. I have secretly attended other churches for awhile now. I will no longer allow these narrow minded souls to harass me into attending. My husband is slowly coming around to the fact that i wont bow to peer pressure or threats. My relationship with God is strong and its mine. Im so relieved that I found this sight and Im not loosing my mind. Word of advice, understand before you marry a member that the requirements are ridged and enough is never enough.
User avatar
teresa
Site Admin
Posts: 1379
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 10:57 am

Re: Wish I had known

Post by teresa »

Hi Truthfinder

Welcome to the board. Glad you finally were able to get on.

When I was in the hardline CoC, they regarded folks who were not baptized in the CoC as unsaved. I wonder if that's how your husband and/or his family feel?
User avatar
Cootie Brown
Posts: 3997
Joined: Sat Feb 20, 2016 4:34 pm
Location: TN

Re: Wish I had known

Post by Cootie Brown »

Welcome. Unfortunately there are many stories similar to yours. The Church of Christ is a good example of what can happen when Bible literalism is taken to the extreme.

I am sorry to learn of the harm that has been done to you & your marriage. I wish I could tell you there is an easy solution for your predicament but unfortunately there isn't.

You will find likeminded folks on this site that have had bad experiences with the c of c too. That is why we are all EX - church of Christ now.
User avatar
agricola
Posts: 4775
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 10:31 pm

Re: Wish I had known

Post by agricola »

Welcome to the ex-board!
History is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction. That's why events are always reinterpreted when values change. We need new versions of history to allow for our current prejudices.
User avatar
Moogy
Posts: 1207
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2014 7:20 pm
Location: on the ranch near Eldorado, Texas

Re: Wish I had known

Post by Moogy »

Welcome! I was raised in the COC, and I certainly know about the pressure to do things their way! I hope you can come to an agreement with hubby to go in different directions spiritually. The mind of a lifetime COCer is hard and/or slow to change. He really will not understand, but the two of you may be able to disagree peaceably.
Moogy
NI COC for over 30 years, but out for over 40 years now
Mostly Methodist for about 30 years.
Left the UMC in 2019 based on their decision to condemn LGBT+ persons and to discipline Pastors who perform same-sex marriages
Tsathoggua
Posts: 258
Joined: Thu Oct 16, 2014 12:55 pm

Re: Wish I had known

Post by Tsathoggua »

Nice to have you aboard!
Post Reply