About to leave the CoC

[Bill57]

I am a 62 year old Male and was raised in the CoC and I have never been comfortable there. The CoC I am with now it seems most look down on me because my son and his little ones live with me and he is not a CoC member. I am told I might be kicked out of the church but they are being patient with me. Even before this it seems everyone looks through me and are very short with me. They often preach love but I have never felt it. I am afraid to leave but know I can't stay. Is there actually a church that has the love that Christ tells us to have?

[Cootie Brown]

When religious people focus on laws, rules, and commands they become legalistic. When they view the Bible as a Devine Instruction manual they can only see the laws, rules, and commands. Grace, love, & forgiveness fade into the background and become something that must be earned by being obedient. But one can never be obedient enough to earn grace.

At that point they focus inward and essentially they become cults. The theory behind Restoration Theology is terribly flawed and plays a major role in the legalistic thinking that is common in the Churches of Christ.

All versions of fundamentalist thinking embrace a legalistic approach to the Bible, so those looking to leave the c of C might want to keep that in mind if they are seeking a more grace focused version of Christianity.

[teresa]

Welcome to the board. You are welcome to browse around and start or join into conversations.

Why are you afraid to leave? Is it because you will lose relationships that you value, or are you thinking that the CoC is the one true church, or is it something else?

[Bill57]

Not so much lost relationships. It's more of an uncertainty. I've always had a problem with telling people is the only true church. Or even that one has to be baptized into Christ for forgiveness. I have gone over this and saved by faith. And I can see both sides and both seems to be true. You can take it either way so who am I to judge. Christ will be the judge in the end. But you know what I think it's more how you treat people. More what's in your heart. Didn't our Father let Christ come to die for our sins because of love. And what about Ch, He was with God in the beginning of creation and was equal with God and he left all that because of love to suffer and die for us. God has a perfect love that's beyond our understanding but we should strive to have.

[teresa]

I agree that how you treat people is most important. Jesus said the two commandments "Love God" and "Love your neighbor as yourself" summed up the whole Law of Moses, and doing the second is the same as doing the first.

The apostle Paul said the same thing: For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law [of Moses] is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

As I see it, being under law to Christ does not refer to an new code of law, but rather to a new leader whom we follow. The author of the letter to the Hebrews regarded the pattern of worship for the tabernacle (and temple) as copies and shadows of what was to come. The reality is Christ.

[Cootie Brown]

Leaving the church of Christ is not easy. My wife was born and raised Southern Baptist. I wasn’t religious but accepted Christ and was baptized into the Southern Baptist Church shortly after we were married.

Approximately 12 years later we agreed to a Bible Study with a c of C minister. That lead to us being Baptized into the “Lords” Church. We were deeply involved members of the c of C for 27 years. Eventually I began to question c of C teaching and traditions.

When the decision was made to leave the c of C my wife’s biggest issue was instrumental music. That was surprising since she was raised Southern Baptist and was the pianist for the Church we were married in, but she struggled with that issue.

And, of course, those leaving the c of C will be ostracized. The destruction of our social structure was a consequence of our exit from the c of C.

Our experience was normal for c of C folks that leave “The” Church. We left the c of C 14 years ago and we do not regret our decision. I am no longer religious but my wife is very active in the Methodist Church. I’m simply acknowledging leaving the c of C isn’t easy.

Oh yeah, I’m 74 now so I was about your age when we decided to leave the c of C.

[Opie]

I agree that how you treat people is most important. Jesus said the two commandments "Love God" and "Love your neighbor as yourself" summed up the whole Law of Moses, and doing the second is the same as doing the first.

The apostle Paul said the same thing: For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law [of Moses] is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13-14

As I see it, being under law to Christ does not refer to an new code of law, but rather to a new leader whom we follow. The author of the letter to the Hebrews regarded the pattern of worship for the tabernacle (and temple) as copies and shadows of what was to come. The reality is Christ.

Teresa, I think that you summed it up perfectly!

[agricola]

Welcome to the ex-board, Bill. I think you will find a lot of diversity here, compared to any CoC.

[Moogy]

There are many churches that focus on the love of God. A few of them may be churches of Christ. But you will have better luck with other denominations. I suggest visits to the Disciples of Christ if you want church to feel familiar.

I am 67, and between churches. I keep thinking, “Why do I have to go through this trauma AGAIN at my age? Don’t most people figure out what they believe and where they want to be, religiously, much earlier in life?” I don’t have the energy to find a new church home, but I certainly cannot stay where I was. Even so, my current suffering is far less than I experienced when I left the non-institutional COC in my early 30s.

Best wishes, and welcome to the board.

[Bill57]

I want to thank everyone for their support and I have decided to stay with the church of Christ. However it will be a different location. The group I was with was great in many ways. And much of what happened was my fault. I do need a new start and I've found a very loving church family and hope to be a active member but in the areas that I am gifted and not trying to grow in areas I am not. God bless each and every one.