Earlier this year I had posted about being terrified to leave the church. Well I did it!!! I am so happy that I am finally free of it. I wanted to share a little bit of what's gone down since then.
First of July, I moved out of my parents house while they were driving my little sister to a COC-based church camp, very similar to FC camp. While they were gone I packed up the rest of my stuff and my boyfriend helped me move into my friends house with her family. It was a very hectic time for me mentally. I love my parents and didn't want to hurt them but I knew what needed to be done. There was no way that my dad would have let me move out of the house without physically trying to stop me. Well I got a new phone and new number (I didn't want my dad harassing me via phone calls) and so I waited a couple days after moving out (I was typically gone a couple days at a time because I never wanted to be home) and I called him on facebook to tell him I moved out. His first question was not "are you okay?" or "are you safe?" it was, "where are you going to church??" I was immediately frustrated because that just revealed to me what he truly cared about most. I told him I wasn't going to be going anywhere for awhile and all hell broke loose. he was so angry and crying so hard and it was just so frustrating that he truly believed I was going to hell because I said I wasn't going to church for awhile. I dealt with his daily messages of saying how he loved me and he couldn't believe what I was doing to him?? He wouldn't accept the fact that I was doing this for ME!! not for him
. The elders began messaging me too and I politely asked them to leave me alone and they kept pestering me for a meet up or a phone call, which I politely declined too.
Fast forward one month and my boyfriend's family is helping us move 4 hours away into a little apartment. They have been so supportive and helpful and loving. I have become so close with his family and they really are proud of me for leaving (They heard my stories of how crazy the COC can be and all the spiritual abuse I've gone through).
Four months after I stopped attending (my dad had told everyone I moved away for college even though I'm doing online college LOL), I received a letter via facebook messenger from the elders and preacher basically explaining that even though I withdrew my membership within a few weeks of moving away, it was still their responsibility to make sure that I found a "sound congregation" to continue worshipping at. They gave me one week to contact them with where I am worshipping at or else they would have no choice but to mark me as an unfaithful christian and wouldnt be able to have any social contact with me anymore. I chose to just not respond rather than tell them off like I really wanted to do.
The week passed and that sunday morning, they blindsided my parents and called my dad up to the front to have him read the letter (he had no idea this was happening) and he broke down in front of the entire congregation and my mom walked out of the building and waited outside. My dad told the elders that he and my mom and sister were going to attend a different conservative church of christ for awhile. The elders took it upon themselves to tell the whole church later that week that my parents left the church due to "my actions" rather than taking responsibility for being so heartless towards my family about the whole situation.
ps. my dad has been at this congregation his entire life (since he was a newborn) and even though I am not fond of my father, I still felt bad for him when my little sister told me what happened.
On the day that I got my letter, I took screenshots and shared it on twitter! It went around pretty fast and it ended up with 120 retweets, 1008 likes, and 163,642 views. I received around 50 responses either by comment or by private message with people sharing similar experiences. It was very enlightening and it felt good sharing my situation! I encourage others to share their letters too so people can see the craziness!
