Back after a year or two....

[Miss40+]

Hello! I was on a long while back as IAmMiss40+. Can't remember why I stopped posting. But, I am back. I left the anti CoC in 2011. Ironically, I found this site as I was looking for a church to attend for Easter. The punchline? I was googling churches of Christ! This is, I suppose, due to the fact that, after 4 years I have not 'darkened the doors' of any church, just out of sheer fear and trepidation. And gravitation towards what I know. Then I found this site again, and read some of the introductions. (I just thought, a coc wouldn't even celebrate Easter!). Reading some of the posts sobered me up real quick. OMG! I never even THINK about church, but the damage done from having my brain function short circuited (not using analytical skills, no deductive reasoning, being on auto pilot to not question information encountered 3 times a week or more) for 21 years has impacted my life in ways I would NEVER have thought possible. Screw the fact I lost family, friends, I truly believe my IQ has been lowered, simply by not :making my own decisions, seeking approval for all I did, and by absorbing information in an infantile manner. Time has taken some of the anger away, but what I mourn is the person I could be now, had I not put myself through 21 years of stagnation. Moving forward is a struggle because I am lacking fundamental attributes a woman my age would naturally have: strong decision making skills, sense of self worth, ability to analyze situations and weigh options...you know, skills needed to be successful in this life, as a single grown woman. And I place the blame squarely where it belongs, the coc. Class action lawsuit, anyone up for it? Yes, I know I willingly joined, I own my free will in joining as an adult, but, this runs deep. I think of you who had no choice, as children who grew up 'in the church'. You guys could sue...at least I think you could.

Anyway, I am back. And still sad. And mourning what could have been. And happy to have found you again.

[bnot]

Thanks for sharing! Glad you're back. As you already know, this is a great place to vent and get support

[agricola]

Welcome back - and I TOTALLY get where you are coming from! I truly believe that growing up (esp female) in the coc set my social maturity back a decade, at a minimum.

PS did you find a church that DOES have Easter services?

[Miss40+]

Welcome back - and I TOTALLY get where you are coming from! I truly believe that growing up (esp female) in the coc set my social maturity back a decade, at a minimum.

PS did you find a church that DOES have Easter services?

Yes, an American orthodox church. It is good to be back!

[GMan]

Glad that you are back.

[Ramblin' Jack]

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[Kitty]

I couldn't have said it better myself. I too lack strong decision making skills and a sense of self worth. And set back socially. It makes me sad to think how much I have held myself back because of those endless tapes in my head. I left 21 years ago, but those tapes played so clearly in my mind of what a "good Christian woman" "should" be, according to the coc. This site is amazingly helpful and so spot on. Coming out of the fog is wonderful! I no longer feel quite so "less than" and am loving God and Jesus and myself and others and learning to forgive.

[Struggler]

I couldn't have said it better myself. I too lack strong decision making skills and a sense of self worth. And set back socially. It makes me sad to think how much I have held myself back because of those endless tapes in my head. I left 21 years ago, but those tapes played so clearly in my mind of what a "good Christian woman" "should" be, according to the coc. This site is amazingly helpful and so spot on. Coming out of the fog is wonderful! I no longer feel quite so "less than" and am loving God and Jesus and myself and others and learning to forgive.

Been there. The C of C is all about control and making sure everyone champions the brand and toes the party line. That comes before Jesus, God or anyone and anything else.
I still feel awkward in social situations, as if I'm an outsider. I often have to fake it.

[coffeegrammy]

Wow! Just wow! Welcome back! So much of what you stated is so similar to what I regret, mourn and kick myself for on a regular basis. I "joined" the coc shortly after marrying my coc husband. I grew up Southern Baptist. When I think of all the years that I had my friends chosen for me...people who I didn't even share similar interests with, or for that matter like. I regret all of the hours and hours of mandatory activities I participated in and the mind numbing sermons and lessons that still cloud my mind, form my view of God, and take my joy.

What you said reminded me of this John Piper quote: "Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God and embrace the life you have." I'm still in the "weep deeply" stage.

[Opie]

What you said reminded me of this John Piper quote: "Occasionally, weep deeply over the life you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Then wash your face. Trust God and embrace the life you have."

That's a great quote from John Piper. Yes, it's OK to grieve the losses.