Hi

[Chainbreaker77]

I posted here years ago, but couldn’t remember my login info, so I created a new account.
I was raised COC after my parents were suckered in by doorknockers when I was two. After attending, and getting kicked out of the AIM(adventures in missions)program in the late ‘90s, I finally decided I’d had enough. In the twenty years since, TO THIS VERY DAY, I’ve had to endure harassment from my parents over this decision. It used to be that I was endangering my dad’s deaconship, and now that he’s dead it’s my mom calling me and crying about how I’m going to hell and the only reason God is keeping her alive is to see me in heaven “But it ain’t gonna happen because you refuse to attend church.”
Such conversation took place yesterday, reminding me that this concern is always bubbling just beneath the surface, making everything awkward.
The only time I’ve been to church in maybe over a decade was for my dad’s funeral.
I wrote a tribute/article about his dying of covid that was placed before millions of newspaper readers, and I also appeared on national TV. They all saw it, and made sure to add their two cents about how I left out THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL, his devotion to the church. All of his “worldly” accomplishments meant nothing next to him showing up at the same building thrice a week for decades and performing the requisite rituals associated with it.
She’s gotten even nuttier since his passing, crying because I got a vaccine, which has “infected my body with nanotechnology.” Couple weeks ago I took her shopping and while waiting to pull out of the parking lot a guy slowed down and waved us through and she said “Praise Jesus he sent someone to let us out!” And I’m like “It’s normal driving etiquette that happens all day every day.” I kept that to myself, of course. However, I’ve about reached the point of refusing to walk on eggshells any longer, with her using such statements as an “in” to start lecturing me about church. I can’t stand it any longer, and it’s going to be ugly when I finally let loose with how I really feel about(despite how much I love her)all of the CRAP that they’ve drilled into my head. She keeps saying she’s ready to “go to heaven” but I’m somehow I’m stopping her. She uses every opportunity to bring it up. Example: she saw some kind of decorative cross at hobby lobby and broke down in tears because she “can’t even stand to look at that, all I think of is how much Jesus suffered for us al on the cross.” Well, I’m on a cross, too, mom, and you’re driving the nails. I’ve been hanging on it for forty years. Best believe when she finally dies and I speak at the funeral, I will ruin the experience for everyone there by finally speaking my mind.

[Ivy]

Chainbreaker77, welcome back to the board.

I related to much of what you posted. That parental guilt tripping to try to get you back into the "fold". It's the thing that destroys many cofc families when the offspring make the choice to leave, but also try to have some sort of relationship with the cofc parents.

[agricola]

I hear you - and you are a braver man (so to speak) than I am, Gunga Din.
I moved 2000 miles away and 'forgot' to let them know I had a phone number (pre-cell phone times) for years.

Sometimes, self-protection is more vital than filial loyalty.

Is she reasonably healthy? Does she have friends at church? Can she manage on her own?

[Chainbreaker77]

Nah, she’s not healthy at all. She’s in her 80s and getting nuttier by the day. She gets all upset when I don’t come over for weeks at a time, but it’s because of things like this. I know she’s just chomping at the bit to say something about me not going to church.

[Ivy]

Nah, she’s not healthy at all. She’s in her 80s and getting nuttier by the day. She gets all upset when I don’t come over for weeks at a time, but it’s because of things like this. I know she’s just chomping at the bit to say something about me not going to church.

Are you worried about cognitive deterioration in your mom? When you say "nuttier by the day", what do you mean, exactly? I saw the nanobots in the vaccine statement. Does she watch Fox News et al and believe in QAnon?

[Chainbreaker77]

Wanna hear something really messed up? When my dad’s Methodist mother with Alzheimer’s had to be placed in assisted living, they forced her to go to church with them and harassed her into being baptized. She had no idea what was going on. She told me things like “I guess they’re going to make me go to their church today.” So when she died, they were like “I’m so happy your grandma is in heaven.”

[Chainbreaker77]

She’s been a devout adherent of Rush Limbaugh since probably 1990, and treats his every word as gospel. So, you know, all that’s come along since, she’s soaked that up as well, to the point that she’s formed this extremist worldview that has her seeing sinister implications in the most innocuous of things. For instance I once mentioned I’d watched this series about what Earth would look like if humans disappeared, how long it would take for nature to reclaim cities, etc. I thought it was interesting. She used to find things like that interesting. She goes “That’s what the liberals want! To make people extinct to save the environment!” And she was dead serious.

[Chainbreaker77]

And I’m not so much worried about her cognitive deterioration. She’s in her mid-80s With a myriad of health issues and as such I doubt she’ll live much longer, especially without my dad. Fortunately he has her set up nicely with two government pensions and multiple life insurance policies. She basically just sits around and b**ches and cries all day and it’s a real downer. I can’t handle it sometimes and I avoid her.

[Ivy]

Oh, boy. Years of Rush Limbaugh...not good for the brain cells.

Interesting, though. What type of cofc does she attend? Does she still go 3 x week? Have friends who get together?

How far from her do you live? Could you just make the visits really short and sweet, and refuse to talk about anything
church-related? Maybe tell her it's time for you to go and leave when she starts talking about it.

[Chainbreaker77]

She lives about 20 mins away, not far. It’s just your garden-variety COC, very smiley and welcoming on the surface, but more or less the same as all the others. She goes three times a week now that they’re doing services again. She’s had covid, as have most of her friends. Some died, some lived. She also does this thing where she schedules elective surgeries on short notice and expects everyone to pause their lives to come be her live-in caretaker during recovery. So I stayed with her for three full days and it finally came to the point that I lost it and shouted at her. Of course she cried and played the victim. I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t care anymore.