My story

[1sivel]

Over the last year and a half I have left the coC kicking and screaming. My husband was a minister in the coC and got fired for refusing to stay away from (during his off time) community worship gatherings with instruments or woman praying. Following his firing it became clear that he was not welcome to serve in our local congration any way. We are not officially disfellowshipped (I think the most mature and resonable of the Elders fought hard for this), but we cant even invite the youth to another area wide coC youth event. We were in no way trying to bring change in the areas of womans roles or instumental music in the congration we attended. He wouldnt teach that instumental music is a sin. He also wouldnt teach that the coC was superior/only people going to heaven. If people were not growing for some reason he encouraged them to become active in another protestant congration in the city. He questioned and spoke out when things didnt seem right and this means he is not submissive. It has been said frequently he will need to learn to submit if we want to be active in the congration. It is like he challenged their sense of self-righteousness and they cancelled him. We moved to the midwest from CA. Our congration of the coC had an outreach minister who regularly participated in community wide prayer and worship services. The vibe was more acapella singing is a beautiful tradition. Woman helped lead praise songs during camp activities. Little girls helped by picking up attendance cards. The situation is frustrating to me because I never dreamed I would leave the coC! It is definately this hardline 20%, because we had good experiences most of our lives even though we always considered ourselves Kingdom people who attended in a building with coC over the door. I have learned there are people who think Christianity hinges on sitting on the right pew on Sunday mornings. People knew I wanted to "sit on the right pew", but instead was supporting my husband in the Christian/non dom church plant he was now preaching in. The Elder that parrots pattern theology and decided my husband was a dead man when he verbalized, "I love you and want to work with you, but ultimately I bow to God not to you." This Elder would say I am wrong to not be there sunday morning. I also would be wrong to start another coC in town. Wrong to not submit to my husband in his direction for our family. Ironic that the person who has power to make things right finds my chosen and possible options wrong and has no other ideas. God has helped me see that nothing (even the immaturity and abuse of power by leaders in the church) can seperate me from his love. This is still hard. I cried a lifetime of tears in one year. Now, feel like the Israelites who have been freed, but complain and want to go back to Egypt vs. promised land.

[FinallyFree]

Welcome! Your husband sounds like a very smart and wonderful man! I assume the CofC’s in CA are more liberal and that was what you were accustomed to. Maybe your husband can find a church that better fits his beliefs. Hope you will stick with us here and keep us updated.

[Moogy]

Welcome to our board. We have had a wide variety of COC experiences and a wide set of reasons for leaving. Feel free to vent.

[agricola]

Wow.
I kind of feel like I would really like to read your memoir...if and when you ever write one. Such drama!

Welcome to the 'ex' board, and as Moogy said, there is quite a variety here.