Need Advice

[msimkovsky2]

I was baptized in the ICOC Oahu Church of Christ in Honolulu in 1997, left the church in 2000, and came back in late 2002. After being restored, I moved overseas for 4 years. I was in Singapore Central Christian Church when the Henry Kriete letter and subsequent shake up in 2003 came to light. I was married in 2005 to a single mom with two sons and we had a son together in 2006. In 2007, I was apart of the San Diego Church of Christ. Since early 2010, I have been apart of Mission Point Christian Church in San Antonio, Texas and my daughter was born later in 2010.

After more than 25 years, I need advise in light of recent new development of numerous lawsuits against ICOC, ICC, Hope Worldwide, and various individuals.

What to do? Obtaining a relationship with God has been the best thing for my character and I know being a Christian is right. The problem - the lawsuits reveal that there are still unresolved issues that have been hidden for years and that some things with the ministry staff have not changed. I am considering leaving but... I do not know where to go or what to do. If I take my family and myself to another church and it becomes know we were apart of ICOC, will we be shunned? Will they think I am trying to infiltrate to recruit others for ICOC? Between a rock and a hard place.

I am also concerned about relationships my kids, my wife, and I have with current members and their families. What effect will leaving have on my family? I don't have any ill will toward regular members. My issue is with how the ministry staff has been managing church affairs through the years.

I think I want to discuss the many issues I have with the ministry staff but feel my concerns will be ignored or suppressed. Even if they 'listen', it seems real change might not happen or will be short-lived.

These issues cause me much concern to the point that I feel distracted and have trouble reading my bible and praying on a daily basis.

Your advice is welcome and appreciated.

[faithandmore]

Many people have lost their relationships with some of their family or friends over the years after they left the C of C but if they choose to leave you, over religious differences, that's their choice. I'd recommend looking at different denominations. I became a Presbyterian after leaving c of c, so wound up with a whole new church "family". I'd say most people have not heard of ICOC anyway. No, I do not think you would be shunned because of that.

[Moogy]

I am not familiar with the congregations you recently attended.Are the Mission Point (San Antonio) and the San Diego COC actually part of the ICOC, despite their names?

If you have been in the ICOC all this time, I expect you will be contacted and encouraged to return. SOME regular COCs likewise harass or shun those who leave. An ordinary “Christian Church”, either independent or Disciples of Christ, would welcome you. Do you still agree with the tenets of the ICOC, such as the intense control over all members’ decisions? You will not find that in many other churches.

I hope for the best for you and your family. It is hard to change churches, but for some of us, there is no other option.

[SolaDude]

Maybe you could scout out a few churches on your own before taking your family with you. Do you have some of your own conclusions about your own beliefs after going to those various churches? For example, are you looking for a church that is less or more legalistic?

[agricola]

Hi -
Welcome to the ex-coc site - this is really for people who have left the 'regular' coc - both mainstream and non-institutional. Your ICOC is, if I recall correctly, a late 20th century offshoot of the coc denomination, with its own special set of practices and rules.

I THINK there are support sites specifically for ICOC people, who have left/are leaving - but I'm not positive. I hope somebody can add information about that.
However, that said - you are certainly welcome here, but I don't think most of the regular posters have much (Or any) experience with the ICOC.
We DO have experience of 'leaving the one true church'. So called. Sometimes that process is rapid and sometimes it is very slow (years). Sometimes it is easy, and sometimes it is extremely hard. Situations differ and families differ.

But if you have not already done so, please do visit the main site portal (rather than this discussion group, and read some of the essays and materials THERE, which talk about Christian teachings, and Church of Christ specific teachings which are not invariably congruent with 'mainstream Christian' doctrines - I do think you will find that very helpful in a lot of ways.

My usual suggestion to people who have recently left the coc - or any denomination, really - is that they TAKE A BREAK from 'attending church'. Truly the world will NOT end if you skip a month of Sundays - take the time to destress. Take the time - in particular - to get some perspective about religious ideas altogether.
What does it mean to 'be a member' of a church or denomination? What is it FOR? What does it give YOU? What can you contribute?
I don't' mean money, either.

Learn more about religions generally and Christianity (mainstream, normal, standard) in particular. Learn some history.

Think.

[Moogy]

There is an group on Reddit (r/excoc)that seems to attract a lot of people who have left the ICOC, as well as other versions of the COC.

[Shane R]

If you wish, I can provide you with a contact. I lived in San Antonio for a bit and have a friend who is ex-CoC and now an Anglican bishop.