North Alabama CoC refugee here

[NotFarEnough]

I'm not sure where to begin because there's just so much. I attended the CoC as a child because my grandmother was a very devout member, but aren't they all? She lived with us at the time because my mother divorced my father, worked full time and was generally too otherwise occupied to spend much time at home. My mother was rabidly anti-religious at the time, no doubt due to her upbringing, so my life wasn't wall to wall CoC, thank God! My grandmother moved out when I was 12, so that was the end of church going. My sister joined a large local CoC soon after college and immediately had a falling out with her best friend, who is a Baptist. She also alienated people far and wide because she was so pushy about her beliefs. I always thought that was due to her personality. I'm just now discovering that that is so ingrained in the CoC that it may as well be a part of the creed they claim they don't have. All of my extended family is CoC, which is small, and I've never seen that kind of behavior in any of them. Granted, I only saw them occasionally. I maintained a relationship with my sister, though she made it difficult because she would almost never socialize without trying to steer the conversation to CoC, so I kept her at arm's length. Or I tried to. My mother ended up going back to the CoC years ago, and she's steadily gotten meaner and meaner. Long story short, they both joined my ex husband in his incredibly ugly divorce. I'm told that he told them that I "isolated" he and my children from The church, which I thought ridiculous at the time, because I'd taught Sunday school for God's sake! I had no idea how serious they were about their exclusivity, though I was certainly aware of the belief. Creed, if you will. My ex was alienating my children from me, stealing money from joint accounts, lying through his teeth about me - lies that were very, very easy to prove untrue, so though I was outraged by their support of him, I truly believed that when they saw what he was doing THEY would be horrified and help me get my children out of what was very clearly a very abusuve situation. They had helped him hide them from me so that my ex could bully me into agreeing to what he wanted in the divorce. I was wrong. Although within very short order I had a counselor's report saying that my ex was the problem in my relationship with my children, who by that time said they hated me, that the problem couldn't be fixed as long as he was in control AND that he had a personality disorder. I also has bank statements showing that he withdrew over $100,000 in direct violation of a court order and photos of a set of dishes in my cabinets that he claimed I'd "smashed in a rage" as well as photos of blemish free walls in my house that he told them were heavily damaged as a result of my "rages." Most importantly, he couldn't produce any evidence of the "drug and alcohol abuse" on my part that he claimed. I was sure that they would, at minimum, stop helping him. I was wrong. They basically took my life over while acting like I didn't exist. My ex made the divorce as painful as he possibly could, and they stood right beside him the whole way, and over several years. They helped destroy my family, in spite of plenty of proof as to what was really going on while continuing to preach their love of the TRUTH. I no longer have a relationship with my eldest child and my youngest child is still struggling with the fallout of that hell, though he moved in with me a year ago. I learned my lesson way too late. Arm's length isn't nearly far enough away from these people. I should have cut off all contact when my sister joined the church, but they put on a very, very good front. I was shocked at their behavior, and still am. I knew they were arrogant and rigid, but I believed their claims to not only value, but to love the truth. My experience was just a continuation of twisting the bible out of all recognition in order to justify their "truth," while flatly denying or avoiding seeing any counter evidence counter. I've been watching a lot of CoC sermons and the ever popular debates and I'm just now seeing that this is standard operating behavior for them. I heard that my niece has left the church and, of course, my sister is making it a drama staring herself. She even refused to attend my niece's wedding. Thankfully my niece moved across the country so she's out of the worst of it. After finding out all that I have I'm about convinced that I need to move across the country because Alabama is full of CoC. Many here are wealthy and influential. I found it hilarious that my sister's "returning to the original, primitive" church has a multi million dollar church building which even has valet parking. Just Jesus.

[flawed]

Hi NotFarEnough, welcome to the ex board. It's really sad what has happened in your family, I hope this place helps provide some healing and comfort for you.

[agricola]

Welcome to the ex-board - and (sadly) you are not alone.
I hope things turn around for you and your family, which as far as I can tell, should not include your sister and mother (again, sadly).

[Moogy]

Welcome to the board. What a miserable time for you. Was your ex a faithful COCer?

[FinallyFree]

You have quite a story! So sorry you have had such a hard time. Welcome!

[GMan]

Welcome!

[coffeegrammy]

Welcome! I haven't been here long, but I think you will find lots of support.

[eyerollfacepalm]

Welcome to the board from a fellow NorthAL expat/refugee. It's difficult to completely escape the influence of the CoC in northern Alabama--and the NICoC in particular around the Huntsville metro (especially Athens and Limestone County)--but time and cultural separation go a long way toward recovery even when geographical separation isn't a practical reality.

[Actech1958]

Welcome! I am also from North Alabama. I left the CoC about 7 years ago after 53 years of membership. My mom and dad are still members and occasionally ask me to attend a meeting or special occasion with them knowing full well I am an associate pastor and adult bible class teacher from another Church. They may never get past the idea that without the CoC, I might not be in heaven with them one day! Want they be surprised? After I left the CoC, I often see old CoC preachers and Church members in town. Most of them try to walk on by when I know they saw me! If I see them first I make it very apparent to say hello, how are you?, how is the family? I especially love it when they ask me where I attend now! Because, I do not mind letting them know I no longer attend any CoC location. I let them know that my son plays in the worship band and has a Wednesday evening student night of about 80-100 kids in his youth group! I make it apparent that the Lords Church is a body of believers under any name, not just the CoC "denomination".

I am telling you all this to say to you, that you are a child of the most high God! Don't "ever, ever" be intimidated by some backward theology that says you are outside the will of God for not attending the CoC. Jesus is the way the truth and the life, not the Church of Christ! Hold your head up and walk gladly in the light of Christ Jesus!

[B.H.]

Just Jesus

Well, I 'd hope they would hire Peter and Paul if they showed up to help park cars with Jesus.