Where do we go from here?

[Vincentstruggler]

My husband and I have left the CofC after being CofC before we were born. We were both raised in a conservative church and were very active. My husband was a deacon at one time and we were in charge of various programs. We survived a church split at a church that we loved and I think that is what started me in being unhappy with the CofC. The split was over silly things like clapping for someone being baptized and raising hands during singing! In the past 2 years, we have attended over 15 different churches looking for a fit somewhere. We thought we had finally found one in a community church. We went through their membership steps (not Biblical, but we do love this place) only to get to step 3, meeting with the pastor. He pretty much told us that we were not ready to be part of his church because we were questioning the frequency at which communion was practiced. We couldn't really determine the schedule and were told that they take communion about 13 times a year, or every 6 to 8 weeks. So now we're back to square one looking for a place to belong. Where do we even begin to look? Will we find a place? Please help! We have spent hours praying over this situation but not getting any direction from God. Is He happy with us visiting and/or doing our own thing at our house? Any words of wisdom or advice?? Thanks for having this board! God bless us all!!

[FinallyFree]

Welcome! I now attend a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) and we have weekly communion. Independent Christian Churches also have weekly communion. I don't feel like you HAVE to do it every week, but my husband and I like having it weekly. We are used to that, and feel like something is missing without it.

[agricola]

Hi and welcome to the ex board -
It kind of looks like you are looking for a church that isn't a coc but does everything just like a coc does.

Have you considered taking a short break from church-hopping, and doing a little research into Christian belief and practice, before deciding exactly what your 'must have's' really are?

Many denominations do have weekly communion - the Roman Catholic church offers it DAILY, in fact - but may differ on some other point you believe is vitally important. There may be a church who's teachings are exactly what you want and believe to be true - that doesn't offer weekly communion. Is that a deal breaker for you? Why do you think communion 'must' be weekly? Yes you have an example in the NT of 'the first day of the week', but that actually does NOT say EVERY first day of the week....

Anyway, there's a book that gives short (VERY short) summaries of what different denominations believe, and you might want to take a look at it - it is called Handbook of Denominations in the US: (replace the ** with tt)

h**ps://smile.amazon.com/Handbook-Denominations-United-States-13th/dp/1426700482/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469199003&sr=8-1&keywords=Mead%27s+denominations+of+the+US

And also a good intro to basic Christian beliefs called (boringly) Christian Basics:

h**ps://smile.amazon.com/Christian-Basics-Beginnings-Beliefs-Behavior/dp/080101185X/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1469199076&sr=8-5&keywords=Basic+Christian+beliefs

We ask people to disable links to keep the site safer -just replace the ** with tt when you copy and paste the link into your browser search window.

[agricola]

Just remember, nowhere in the NT does Jesus say that it is important to 'go to church every week'. Even Paul didn't say that - he just said not to FORSAKE getting together to support one another. Forsake is to 'abandon entirely', forsake is to go off and totally forget about ever going anywhere at all.

[KLP]

Welcome. Our experience and background sound to be very similar to yours. I am a curious that you mention the struggle that came over enduring a split but nothing mentioned about your exit yourself from a local CofC...usually that entails some "feedback" from the local congregation. We too tramped around a good bit trying many places out...and yes lingering questions over whacky stuff does keep coming up. It is always a matter of remembering to have to ignore this or that or just politely say nothing or else they will stare at you as if you had a third eye.

We came to opinion that going anyplace else would always entail having to "ignore" stuff we didn't care for and that it would include a set of rules and traditions. So how is that different in kind from just being at a CofC? We just found that we fit no place and that doing the home church thing with others became a burden. We will never engage again or "place membership" or even list our name in a directory...at least I will not. I cannot imagine sitting though beginner classes on how to be a member...no way. I certainly do not intend to try to move up into a power circle type "leadership" position ever again.

So I look for a place that is the least offensive and requires the least "ignoring" and just sit there and then go to lunch. I like the habit and consistency of "going to church" but generally am not interested in what they have to say...I like to sing. Oh and bring a good size tablet or reading material to keep the mind occupied. Many "community" type places IMO tended to have very talented speakers but the music/show part was way too loud and mind numbing with the mumbling repetition of the audience singing in unison to the words on the screens...but the preacher was usually top notch and interesting.

So I guess I offer you no hope...but I am glad that you still have hope and optimism about finding a place where you fit. Again, welcome.

[Vincentstruggler]

Welcome! I now attend a Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) and we have weekly communion. Independent Christian Churches also have weekly communion. I don't feel like you HAVE to do it every week, but my husband and I like having it weekly. We are used to that, and feel like something is missing without it.

We have researched the Disciples of Christ, and are interested, but there's not a congregation near us. Where we live is also a road block to us finding somewhere to go. We live in a very rural area and we have to drive 25 miles to the nearest city of any size, so that narrows down our choices quite a bit.

[Vincentstruggler]

Welcome. Our experience and background sound to be very similar to yours. I am a curious that you mention the struggle that came over enduring a split but nothing mentioned about your exit yourself from a local CofC...usually that entails some "feedback" from the local congregation. We too tramped around a good bit trying many places out...and yes lingering questions over whacky stuff does keep coming up. It is always a matter of remembering to have to ignore this or that or just politely say nothing or else they will stare at you as if you had a third eye.

We came to opinion that going anyplace else would always entail having to "ignore" stuff we didn't care for and that it would include a set of rules and traditions. So how is that different in kind from just being at a CofC? We just found that we fit no place and that doing the home church thing with others became a burden. We will never engage again or "place membership" or even list our name in a directory...at least I will not. I cannot imagine sitting though beginner classes on how to be a member...no way. I certainly do not intend to try to move up into a power circle type "leadership" position ever again.

So I look for a place that is the least offensive and requires the least "ignoring" and just sit there and then go to lunch. I like the habit and consistency of "going to church" but generally am not interested in what they have to say...I like to sing. Oh and bring a good size tablet or reading material to keep the mind occupied. Many "community" type places IMO tended to have very talented speakers but the music/show part was way too loud and mind numbing with the mumbling repetition of the audience singing in unison to the words on the screens...but the preacher was usually top notch and interesting.

So I guess I offer you no hope...but I am glad that you still have hope and optimism about finding a place where you fit. Again, welcome.

I was serving as a director of a children's program and was visited by an elder because I went to visit my mother at her church, which by the way, was a CofC. The preacher had made it sound like we were visiting other churches to attend which was not the case. The depressed atmosphere at the church finally done us in and I resigned my position and we started visiting other CofC. We finally found a fairly liberal one that we liked until things started rumbling again with staff changes and financial concerns. My husband and I started studying the Bible to find out just was really necessary for a church to be pleasing to God and found that this church was coming up short. Initially, we were afraid to leave the CofC, so we would visit other denominations that had early services and then attend the CofC. Eventually, we tired of the farce of going to the CofC and quit going. We recently visited the CofC that we used to attend so that my husband could have some closure. When we finally left, nobody contacted him and he was deeply hurt. Of course, they all told us how much they had missed us and we could come back any time we wanted, which is NOT going to happen. There is just too much that I now believe that makes the CofC a cult and I don't want to be part of that.

[Vincentstruggler]

Hi and welcome to the ex board -
It kind of looks like you are looking for a church that isn't a coc but does everything just like a coc does.

Have you considered taking a short break from church-hopping, and doing a little research into Christian belief and practice, before deciding exactly what your 'must have's' really are?

Many denominations do have weekly communion - the Roman Catholic church offers it DAILY, in fact - but may differ on some other point you believe is vitally important. There may be a church who's teachings are exactly what you want and believe to be true - that doesn't offer weekly communion. Is that a deal breaker for you? Why do you think communion 'must' be weekly? Yes you have an example in the NT of 'the first day of the week', but that actually does NOT say EVERY first day of the week....

Anyway, there's a book that gives short (VERY short) summaries of what different denominations believe, and you might want to take a look at it - it is called Handbook of Denominations in the US: (replace the ** with tt)

h**ps://smile.amazon.com/Handbook-Denominations-United-States-13th/dp/1426700482/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469199003&sr=8-1&keywords=Mead%27s+denominations+of+the+US

And also a good intro to basic Christian beliefs called (boringly) Christian Basics:

h**ps://smile.amazon.com/Christian-Basics-Beginnings-Beliefs-Behavior/dp/080101185X/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1469199076&sr=8-5&keywords=Basic+Christian+beliefs

We ask people to disable links to keep the site safer -just replace the ** with tt when you copy and paste the link into your browser search window.

Thanks for the info! You know it's hard to get out of all the stuff that's been ingrained in you since birth. I've come to the conclusion that communion doesn't have to be a weekly thing, just consistent so that you can prepare your mind ahead of time. My husband thinks at times that we should do it more than once a week and I have communion bread in my freezer at the ready, but he still hasn't committed to doing it more often. We have taken a break for church shopping and had our own worship service at home, just the two of us. I really like it, but miss the fellowship, which is what the community church we were visiting offered. Living in a very rural area also limits our choices of places to attend. We're about 25 miles from any city of size and even then our choices are limited. We just really want to please the Lord and do what He wants us to do in serving Him.

[agricola]

Well, look at what the prophet said God wants from people:

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
Micah 6:8

and from Jesus:
the first and greatest commandment is this:

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Those are straight out of Leviticus, by the way.

There's an NT variant but I prefer the older Jewish formula:

What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. That is the whole of the Law. The rest is commentary.
Hillel the Elder, Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 31a

[Free Spirit]

Hi, Vincentstruggler. Welcome to the board! I went through the same dilemma when I left the COC and was trying to decide where to go next (if anywhere--I was pretty burned out and disillusioned at that point). I visited a lot of different denominations--Methodist, Presbyterian, American Baptist, United Church of Christ--and some of their practices and doctrines did grate on me at first and I questioned whether I could attend those churches with a clear conscience because of the things that bothered me. But I also had to remind myself that there is no one Right, True, and Perfect ChurchTM, despite what the COC would have you believe. All of us are doing our best to figure this out and be good Christians and just because one church comes to a different conclusion about a certain doctrine than another, that doesn't mean that it is wrong...or right. When I let go of that need to be RIGHT about everything (which was ingrained in me from birth), then I could accept that god's grace will cover anything I lack in terms of knowledge. Nowadays, I honestly don't care about doctrine at all, because people and churches can SAY they believe anything. I only care about what they are DOING to help others and make the world a better place. It's a cliche but it's true that actions speak far louder than words, and the COC is all talk, as far as I'm concerned. Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that it's OK to relax a bit and not sweat the details and take your time. It can take years to find a community you feel comfortable joining, but you're gonna be fine. *hugs*

ETA: My sister and I had a discussion about this once, and her comment was, "If you're looking for a church where you agree with every doctrine 100%, you'll be the only member."