Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Has anyone left and actually never spoken with their parents again after leaving?
Or let a long time pass before speaking again? If so, how long?

I once didn't speak to my mom for about 3 years, after I got married. This didn't have to do with leaving the C of C, though. It was emotionally difficult, like dealing with death (as though my mom had died) even though I knew she was still living in the same city. She had taken it real hard that I got married and she was diagnosed with borderline personality, so that made a lot of aspects of our relationship very difficult.

Sometimes you have to realize the only thing you shared with someone is some DNA. In order to live your best life, you have to separate from that person, sometimes even if you still love them very much.

I never cut off parents but I have cut off extended relatives. If I do not like someone or something they have done I feel no need to have to make some sort of reconciliation. Eff off and be done with you if you make my life miserable.

faithfyl wrote:Sometimes you have to realize the only thing you shared with someone is some DNA. In order to live your best life, you have to separate from that person, sometimes even if you still love them very much.

This has been a hard pill to swallow.

I moved 2000 miles across the country and 'forgot' to tell my parents that I had a telephone at all - for years.

It was very freeing. I could call them (from a pay phone - those used to exist!) only when I wanted to and was prepared to talk to them. We practiced a form of 'don't ask, don't tell' with great attention. I didn't tell, and they didn't ask - much.

I won't say it was wildly successful, but it worked well enough. I wish (in retrospect) that I had been adult enough (I was certainly OLD enough, just not ADULT enough) to talk to them about my doubts and beliefs - although I know, objectively, that the result of that idea would have been just as bad as I was afraid it would be at the time.

Eventually my father came around somewhat. Mother never did, but she died soon after I was married. My brother has no issues with me or my (nuclear) family, my sister and her husband (CoC colleges, both of them) talk to me as infrequently as they possibly can. He's an elder. She runs the youth program. My brother is a cheerful atheist, but he'll visit our childhood CoC occasionally, to accompany our stepmom (who's a dear sweet lady) because she doesn't drive any longer.

They did come to the wedding. They even walked me down the aisle. Of course, mother did tell me that I was going to burn in hell forever, but at least she came to the wedding.

That was thirty years ago.

Sounds like you've got a book or movie there, Agricola....

I could have done without the subscriptions to Christianity Today and Power for whatever it was, which she paid for IN MY NAME for like, about three years...

What I meant there Agricola, was your life story could perhaps be some sort of novel or screenplay, ISTM...!!

agricola wrote:I could have done without the subscriptions to Christianity Today and Power for whatever it was, which she paid for IN MY NAME for like, about three years...

That's after you converted, Agri? That's awful.

And those aren't even cofc publications, are they?

One of them was coc. I'm not sure about the other. Power for Today? Gospel Advocate? Maybe it was Christian Chronicle instead of Christianity Today. It was a long time ago!

All my father and (later) my stepmom did was send the kids Christmas presents - BLATANTLY Christmas gifts (mostly Santa at least) for many years. Then once I finally got through to them that we didn't 'do' Christmas, they stopped sending anything at all.

None of my immediate family ever once acknowledged ANY Jewish holidays and none of them even sent the girls a card or gift for their bat mitzvahs either.

Oddly enough, the one family member that DID note and send cards for Jewish holidays and the girls' bat mitzvah celebrations was my Uncle (the one who just died). He was a Christian Church pastor for around fifty years (and was once featured in Time, I believe it was, as one of the nation's top young preachers). He was always extremely gracious and never once even HINTED at evangelizing us.