Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

zeek wrote:
A much better and simpler reply would be "you should mind your own business." Then walk away before they can say anything else.

But, you are so right in that it is an unpardonable sin to reach your 30th birthday unwed. I have never been able to come to any plausable explanation as to just why that is, but it most certainly is.

Truly, it is none of their business.

I hated the way the elders were nothing but busybody, meddling old fools who probably got off imagining what sins the congregation were committing.

I was single for a decade between marriages. And my current husband had not been married until middle age. We are very contentedly married but we both know firsthand the benefits of living single. The reality is that there is no one way to live. One of our kids has been divorced for years and never dates. My husband and I both fully understand because we know there is no one size fits all.

I usually make the mistake of trying to explain when someone asks me about my life when I would be smarter just to change the subject.

What is even worse about being single in the cOC is how the ridicule is selective. Some people can actually get away with it. If they are A) related to the preacher man or an elder OR B) they drop some sweet greenery in the plate each week, they will get a pass. At the last cOC I was a part of, there was a guy who was in his early 30's who had never been married. HOWEVER, the dude was an extremely ambitious and aggressive career climber and had already advanced high up in his company. Naturally, since he was single and had no children, and made kick ass money, he had some disposable income. Single guy + money in collection plate = dude gets a pass. Then of course, there were the relatives of the higher ups. If they were single, well, of course, there was an understandable reason behind it. Me? Well, I was just an average joe. I'm not an ambitious person by ANY means, so no vice president job for me! No, I'm just a cog in the machine at my place of employment. And, I of course, no relation to preacher man/elder. So, I got no pass!

Those arrogant jack asses are so mean spirited. They had NO idea what my life was like. How I went through life discouraged, frustrated, depressed, angry, self loathing, and just generally unhappy because no female would give me a chance. And I mean it got BAD at times. I was about as depressed and low as a person could possibly get and still be alive. The christian thing to have done would have been to try and HELP me. But, did they? Shit no! All they ever did was say "well, hell, what do expect, someone to do the legwork FOR YOU?".

I referred to that notion of being IN (or out) of the "power circle". I was in for decades because of family and PK and my uprightness...fast track to eldership. Everything was great and all the complainers and malcontents were just "murmures" IMNSHO like in the OT. And then I moved far away and assumed I would still be in the power circle...uh, not so fast buddy. I was on the outside and quickly became a member of the malcontents. I finally understood what it was like being on the outside and looking in. Opened my eyes up to how things work in the CofC and how much I had been a part of those same practices I was now getting to "enjoy".

BTW, there is a big name preacher in Texas who has a very adult and unmarried daughter. Her singleness is ignored (maybe even honored as a specialness ) as she is in the protected Brahmin caste.

One Strike...at some point you just have to remove yourself from situations in which people are going to be mean to you. I do hope you are not still going to that same church.

Dear Friends,

Meanness in the coc is a deep pool indeed. A bottomless pool. I was an Elders kid. From them I learned bigotry, homophobia, and general hatred of everyone but those in coc. Very hard to unlearn. I sometimes wish that I was a PC so I could delete all the junk that floats around in my memory.

Sexual problems in the coc, I am shocked! (Sorry, humor has always been for my self defense.) Fortunately, we live in great times. There are therapists(not religious) and sex therapists of all types who are ready to help. Then there are dating sites. on the net for any lifestyle. Even farmers don't have to be lonely anymore.

I stopped believing in heaven, or hell, or the devil. I am the only Pagan in my family. Imagine the love. If there is a heaven I would not want to be there with all the christians, moslems, and jews. Sounds like hell to me.

Let go of your baggage, find peace. Love yourself.

Even farmers don't have to be lonely anymore

Hah! We all know what's going on when that sheep goes "Baaaaaahhhhhh" real load at night!

.

...and do ya think they call me "MacGregor the Wall-builder"? Noooo....