Spies?

[HamBiscuit]

Last topic and I'll cool it for today.

Did your old place have spies? No, I don't mean nosey people, those are everywhere. I mean literal spies.

When the facebook thing started, I had some rumors spread about me, which weren't entirely untrue, however...I didn't have one single person from church on my friend's list. And my privacy settings were pretty solid.

Someone saw I had posted something bad on my page. No idea what it was, no idea who at the time. I was completely confused when my dad told me. At first I thought maybe it was "Happy pride month" or something like that. But he said it was something "dark" I said. I was having problems with depression at the time. Even had to visit the hospital. But besides not having anyone added, and privacy settings pretty secure, I never have posted anything personal on there. So I was even more confused. I drilled him on who. He kept telling me "no i'm not saying, you'll go off on them". Then I brought up the verse about (can't remember how it goes) "if you got a problem with a brother, go directly to them". I said something about how it's pretty low to have a problem with something petty online that a 20-something grown woman posts, then goes to her father. So, he told me who. And....I went to them. Enough said there. But even a good 10 years later, I still have no idea what it was.

Also, there was a guy who lived right across the street from the place. On purpose. I had just gotten my license. Me and a friend, who happened to be a guy, who was also gay, went out eat. The only way to the place we went to eat was past the church. After we ate and we were going back to town, I got sick. Like I said, the only road was past the church. And the only place to pull over was in the parking lot. I was going to barf all over the car, so the obvious thing to do is to get out and throw up. I made it to the grass by the parking lot. I sat back down and let the AC run for a minute. My friend gave me a bottle of water he got. Then he goes "who is that?" I look back, and it's the guy who lived across the street pulling in. There I was sick with a friend, who was a guy, in a car alone in the parking lot. So, I sucked it up and swerved off.
"Maybe he was just checking on the building" Why? "maybe he saw your car" Why leave your house and drive over?
The next Sunday, he pulls me down to a room in the basement and shuts the door. Lectures me about being alone in a car with a boy in the parking lot. I told him exactly what happened. He refused to believe me. "Why did you get out before I could talk to you?" IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, [derogatory term]. I. got. sick.

One more thing. Besides the fact that I've heard more stories like this from people who left my old place. My mom went MIA. She was on drugs and left one day. Didn't hear from her or see her, had no idea where she was for a good month. Dad filed a missing person's report. AND hired a private detective to find her. (Needed her to sign divorce papers, otherwise he wouldn't care). For an additional month, professionals looked. And no, they weren't just not doing their job. They were doing all they could.
THE CHURCH FOUND HER before they could. They found her, didn't tell us until later. They sat outside of the trailer she was in for FIVE. HOURS. Took pictures, took notes, did their own little operation. ...HOW? I dont know.

Anyway, any experiences with that? It only helped fuel my paranoia LOL

Wouldn't be surprised if someone there browses this site. It really wouldn't surprise me if dad calls tomorrow and "are you talking to these people? are you saying these things?"

[agricola]

Honey, all I can say is, you were in a really f*ed up congregation and it is a good thing you left.
No, I've never experienced (or even heard of personally) anything like that.

[HamBiscuit]

Honey, all I can say is, you were in a really f*ed up congregation and it is a good thing you left.
No, I've never experienced (or even heard of personally) anything like that.

Really? I've only ever been in one congregation. Thought more of them did that sort of thing

[agricola]

I grew up in a mainstream group. There was plenty of fussing and feuding, but no serious splits (individuals would leave, but the congregation never divided - in spite of some spirited talk!) and no spies I know of, for sure. My stepmom and stepsister still attend, and so does one of my best friends from childhood. My father was a deacon for decades.

I also attended, from time to time, at least two other coc's, one was big and verging on 'liberal' and the other was VERY small (think, about twenty members, tops). And I visited many others, over the years - but of course I have no way of really knowing the culture of those.

Again, nothing like what you describe.
The smaller one - of course - a plurality of the members were related (one family). I think that would have to be common in a small congregation.

Some kinds of misbehavior though, are just common in ANY small and closely knit group. I have heard of congregations where the elders run amuck and preachers are basically revolving doors. Trust me, that is NOT unique to CoC congregations! It is a feature, if you can call it that, of a disfunctional organization without adequate checks and balances on power - and THAT, I believe, is something ANY group which lacks an actual hierarchic regional or national oversight organization is prone to.

After all, if there is no authority higher than the congregation itself, who can you report misbehavior TO and how can it be handled?

[HamBiscuit]

Some kinds of misbehavior though, are just common in ANY small and closely knit group. I have heard of congregations where the elders run amuck and preachers are basically revolving doors. Trust me, that is NOT unique to CoC congregations! It is a feature, if you can call it that, of a disfunctional organization without adequate checks and balances on power - and THAT, I believe, is something ANY group which lacks an actual hierarchic regional or national oversight organization is prone to.

After all, if there is no authority higher than the congregation itself, who can you report misbehavior TO and how can it be handled?

That's some damn good points, right there. It seems like everyone there feels like they want a leg-up on people so they can feel like they have power. It's so petty.

And yeah, I'd never thought about anything higher than the congregation itself. I'd always been told that THAT CoC was the only one who is "right". The CoC's believe they're the only ones going to heaven? No. The CoC I was raised in believed they were the only 200 people going to heaven. There was one or two little knit-picky things they'd have issues with with other ones. So stupid.

And reporting misbehavior...yeah. They just sort of take shit into their own hands. Even legal stuff. Cover ups and going over the police's heads. I'm not joking. I remember there was a sexual harassment thing between a preacher and a few women. They had no reason to lie. But the guy was never reported because of the elders. He was just kicked out. couple of weeks later, I hear he's preaching at another church. Jehovah's Witness/Scientologist shit right there :\

[Ivy]

That is some seriously jacked up stuff, HamBiscuit!!! We had some mini-spies, but not as over the top as what you had. Ex: A little old lady sees me downtown in "shorts" with some friends. I must have been in junior high, or maybe early high school. The friends I was with were a little more worldly wise than I was; they wore shorts, danced, and cussed. Anyway, said little old lady calls my mother, and I get a lecture when I get home about being out in shorts. Really ticked me off!! Any time you did something in our little town, the parents would likely know about it before you got home...unless you hid it REAL WELL. You didn't usually know who the narc was, but at one point it was some guy with a CB radio or someone who worked for the police dept. WTF?

I made myself LOL reading what I just wrote!! So silly and ridiculous.

[Ivy]

Honey, all I can say is, you were in a really f*ed up congregation and it is a good thing you left.

OMG!! Agri said "Honey" and "f*ed up", both in the same sentence.

[agricola]

I'm on a roll. Or it could be the wine.

[B.H.]

Lol. Agricola had a potty mouth moment.

[Ivy]