Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

The thread about Collinsville getting sued and losing made me wonder. Have any of you ever heard of disfellowshipment ever backfiring and hurting the elders and preacher or their families in ways that are not nice.

B.H. wrote:The thread about Collinsville getting sued and losing made me wonder. Have any of you ever heard of disfellowshipment ever backfiring and hurting the elders and preacher or their families in ways that are not nice.

Nothing I know of but if I did I wouldn't share it here...that would be gossip.

Yes! When I left the cOC the first time back in 1997 or so, my mom was by herself. My late father wasn't going then. He didn't start attending until 1999 and he didn't get baptized and become a member until 2000. My brother had long since quit attending. And then I got "pulled away" as they put it. Because, you know, we can't reach any conclusions and then leave on our own. The world is what pulls us away. So, my mom, not wanting to attend at that congregation all alone, decided that a change of scenery was needed. And I couldn't blame her. I felt really bad leaving her to have to answer nonstop questions from the more overzealous members and elders about why my brother and I had just disappeared from the pews and what was being done about it. So she began looking around for a new congregation. She visited different places for several months when a new cOC opened in the spring of 1998. She was there for the very first service and has been there ever since. A lot of people from our former cOC started going there as well. These were people who minded their own business and didn't harass her about why my brother and I had ceased attending at the previous congregation. So, more than 2 years go by. My father started going with her, and he eventually got baptized and became a member. One Sunday morning, 2 elders from our previous congregation came in and sat down in the back. People knew who they were and were quite perplexed as to what they were doing there on a Sunday morning, seeing as how they were elders at another cOC. So, some inquiries were made, to which the elders refused to answer. At the conclusion of the service, they walk up and handed my mom a withdrawal letter. This is 3 years after she stopped attending at our previous cOC. They were flat out awful and they told others "hey...ya'll should NOT have allowed this woman to place membership here. She left us hanging. Some of you are aware of this as some of you were members there. This place is in error!!". My father was about to come unglued. He said "guys, guys, first of all, she didn't leave anyone hanging. She informed the congregation that she would be placing membership elsewhere...so you had your answer 3 years ago!". Their response was "no...no...that's not the whole story. She didn't give a reason! And what about your sons? What was done about that?". My father said "look, I wasn't even going to church back then, not to mention I wasn't a member..plus, they are both over the age of 18 now (I was 26 and my brother had just turned 20). "Church is a personal choice". My mother was becoming very distraught and she said that she wondered if it had been a mistake to have placed membership there, seeing as how the place may have too many ties with our former cOC. That's when some very good men came up and removed the elders (from our former cOC) from the building. They all knew one another and they were telling them "you guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Is this any way for ELDERS to act? Well, you have ZERO and we mean ZERO jurisdiction here. Get off of this property before we call the police!".

The elders from our former cOC got all high and mighty and called that new cOC an abomination and said that they hoped it failed. The withdrawal letter that my mom received was never opened. One of the men said "you mind if I take that?" and he tossed it into the trash where the elders from our former cOC could see it. Of course when they got back to our former congregation, they got up and blasted the cOC that my mom was a part of. Telling people that there would be no fellowship between the two places. All that did was drive some of their own members out either to other places or to...that very cOC that they blasted! Because of their actions, tensions ran high between the two places for quite some time. All because they just couldn't get over the fact that my mom needed a change of scenery. Funny how they always say "we speak where the Bible speaks and are silent where the Bible is silent" yet, they sure have no problem going way outside of the Bible when it comes to certain things.

I'm tellin' ya. Some cofc elders really need to do some in-depth meditation and find their Zen.

So sorry that happened to your parents, but love the way the new church handled the old church's public elder meltdown. Go home and think about your behavior, guys.

I don’t like the way CofC elders think they can get involved with people’s private lives. That is cultic.

FinallyFree wrote:I don’t like the way CofC elders think they can get involved with people’s private lives. That is cultic.

I think the control / fear factor is one thing that left us all dealing with so much psychological baggage.

OneStrike_ur_out wrote:Yes! When I left the cOC the first time back in 1997 or so, my mom was by herself. My late father wasn't going then. He didn't start attending until 1999 and he didn't get baptized and become a member until 2000. My brother had long since quit attending. And then I got "pulled away" as they put it. Because, you know, we can't reach any conclusions and then leave on our own. The world is what pulls us away. So, my mom, not wanting to attend at that congregation all alone, decided that a change of scenery was needed. And I couldn't blame her. I felt really bad leaving her to have to answer nonstop questions from the more overzealous members and elders about why my brother and I had just disappeared from the pews and what was being done about it. So she began looking around for a new congregation. She visited different places for several months when a new cOC opened in the spring of 1998. She was there for the very first service and has been there ever since. A lot of people from our former cOC started going there as well. These were people who minded their own business and didn't harass her about why my brother and I had ceased attending at the previous congregation. So, more than 2 years go by. My father started going with her, and he eventually got baptized and became a member. One Sunday morning, 2 elders from our previous congregation came in and sat down in the back. People knew who they were and were quite perplexed as to what they were doing there on a Sunday morning, seeing as how they were elders at another cOC. So, some inquiries were made, to which the elders refused to answer. At the conclusion of the service, they walk up and handed my mom a withdrawal letter. This is 3 years after she stopped attending at our previous cOC. They were flat out awful and they told others "hey...ya'll should NOT have allowed this woman to place membership here. She left us hanging. Some of you are aware of this as some of you were members there. This place is in error!!". My father was about to come unglued. He said "guys, guys, first of all, she didn't leave anyone hanging. She informed the congregation that she would be placing membership elsewhere...so you had your answer 3 years ago!". Their response was "no...no...that's not the whole story. She didn't give a reason! And what about your sons? What was done about that?". My father said "look, I wasn't even going to church back then, not to mention I wasn't a member..plus, they are both over the age of 18 now (I was 26 and my brother had just turned 20). "Church is a personal choice". My mother was becoming very distraught and she said that she wondered if it had been a mistake to have placed membership there, seeing as how the place may have too many ties with our former cOC. That's when some very good men came up and removed the elders (from our former cOC) from the building. They all knew one another and they were telling them "you guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Is this any way for ELDERS to act? Well, you have ZERO and we mean ZERO jurisdiction here. Get off of this property before we call the police!".

The elders from our former cOC got all high and mighty and called that new cOC an abomination and said that they hoped it failed. The withdrawal letter that my mom received was never opened. One of the men said "you mind if I take that?" and he tossed it into the trash where the elders from our former cOC could see it. Of course when they got back to our former congregation, they got up and blasted the cOC that my mom was a part of. Telling people that there would be no fellowship between the two places. All that did was drive some of their own members out either to other places or to...that very cOC that they blasted! Because of their actions, tensions ran high between the two places for quite some time. All because they just couldn't get over the fact that my mom needed a change of scenery. Funny how they always say "we speak where the Bible speaks and are silent where the Bible is silent" yet, they sure have no problem going way outside of the Bible when it comes to certain things.

Thank you for sharing, this was a great story. Glad the elders at the new church did the right thing by calling out their behavior and telling them to leave.

B.H. wrote:The thread about Collinsville getting sued and losing made me wonder. Have any of you ever heard of disfellowshipment ever backfiring and hurting the elders and preacher or their families in ways that are not nice.

Not that specifically, no.

But most churches wind up being undone by internal politics and petty drama at some point. Many will split or lose huge chunks of the congregation. Sometimes the issues are petty, some times they are more critical.

faithandmore wrote: But most churches wind up being undone by internal politics and petty drama at some point. Many will split or lose huge chunks of the congregation. Sometimes the issues are petty, some times they are more critical.

I contend the oral creed is because of church splits.

once upon a time ahhhhhh