Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Ever get the sense that the CoC really doesn't like introverts? You're expected to be a social butterfly for Christ, ready to lead prayer or educate a heathen about the five acts of worship in a moments notice, and if you aren't, you're thought less because of it.

I have heard that this is also a problem in other evangelical denominations.

It's a problem in society at large. People who are extroverted get positions in business, church, or politics because they can give a good show but don't actually know how to actually run things and deal with real problems.

Al Foy Abu Wallace wrote:It's a problem in society at large. People who are extroverted get positions in business, church, or politics because they can give a good show but don't actually know how to actually run things and deal with real problems.

Pretty much agree with the above. Actually birth order has an influence. In dealing with the CoC I always had a reticence towards inviting friends. You never knew what kind of negative comment might be made. Samson killed 10,000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. Every year the same weapon gets used. Don't ever think how extroverted you are or are not is all that important. Many introverted people have fantastic capabilities. I've seen it many times. The world is full of unsung heroes. Many times if you telegraph your moves you will run into the abominable no man. They exist in corporations and churches. The CoC is Full of them.

Some of my more liberal religious friends have been obsessed with this lately. Being the slightest bit extroverted is not politically correct in their eyes. Personally, I think all that is a bit overblown. People are individuals. Some are more outgoing than others. Anyone who is not outgoing shouldn't be pushed to do things they don't want to do. Anyone who is outgoing should be encouraged to be such. As I see it, neither is better or worse, just different. There's a place for everyone.

It's very convenient to be known as an introvert when you don't want to be involved in activities you disagree with. It has helped me slip into the background where I happily stay for now.

I'm definitely an introvert! I suppose I would qualify as an "extroverted introvert". I enjoy other people to some extent, since they are a excellent source of amusement, but I do need and crave lots of time to myself.

I was told that introversion was unnatural and bordered on being "sinful" by a fairly dense preacher once. That was probably the first crack in the façade as far as I was concerned.

When I was in high school I kept to myself a lot, especially at church. People would basically make jokes to my face about how quiet I was and it would always make me so mad. "You sure don't say much, do you?" they would always say. Sometimes if I did say anything someone would come back with a sarcastic, "Hey, you DO know how to talk!" My parents were both extremely social and would get to church super early and be one of the last to leave, so that was always torture for me. And any kind of potluck or other social gathering? No thank you. I always felt extremely awkward and could feel the people looking at me and talking about how I never said much.

MusicMan826 wrote:When I was in high school I kept to myself a lot, especially at church. People would basically make jokes to my face about how quiet I was and it would always make me so mad. "You sure don't say much, do you?" they would always say. Sometimes if I did say anything someone would come back with a sarcastic, "Hey, you DO know how to talk!" My parents were both extremely social and would get to church super early and be one of the last to leave, so that was always torture for me. And any kind of potluck or other social gathering? No thank you. I always felt extremely awkward and could feel the people looking at me and talking about how I never said much.

I've always struggled with social anxiety and shyness. I started a new job a few months ago, the first office job I've ever had, and while I enjoy it a lot I've become known as the "quiet person" in the office and people are always making comments like this. They'll walk by my desk and say things like, "God, don't you EVER shut up?!" It's annoying, and kind of hurtful. I'm almost 30 and feel like I'm being bullied.

It was never that big of an issue at church except for one elder who took me aside on several occasions and told me I was being disrespectful for not talking and not looking people in the eye. I've always had trouble with eye contact, and avoiding it is so natural to me I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's a lot better now than when I was young, but I was just extremely anxious as a child and a teen and avoiding eye contact was one of the manifestations of my anxiety. One time this elder said hello to me and I said hello back, without looking him in the eye, and he grabbed my shoulder and put his finger in my face and told me I'd better look an elder in the eye when I was being spoken to. But he was just kind of a mean, angry man, and I was the only teenager in the church for a long time so I got the brunt of it. I was kind of the scapegoat for everything that was wrong with "kids today".

Struggler wrote:Some of my more liberal religious friends have been obsessed with this lately. Being the slightest bit extroverted is not politically correct in their eyes. Personally, I think all that is a bit overblown. People are individuals. Some are more outgoing than others. Anyone who is not outgoing shouldn't be pushed to do things they don't want to do. Anyone who is outgoing should be encouraged to be such. As I see it, neither is better or worse, just different. There's a place for everyone.

You're right about this. I'm definitely an introvert but I don't think it gives me any sort of moral or intellectual upper hand. It seems like a lot of introverted people like to insinuate that introvert=smart and extrovert=dumb, which is just not the case at all. It takes all kinds.