Ex-Church of Christ Support Board

Right off the bat, that horrendous attendance policy would be gone. No more punishing the members because they weren't there. Life happens. People get sick. Family members get sick. There is no getting around that. And even more so, those who never miss under any circumstances are NOT to be propped up and idolized and used as examples. Those who make church attendance the one and only priority in life are not better than everyone else. Making 100% of the services 100% of the time proves NOTHING. All congregations have those types, and a lot of them thrive off of the accolades and public acknowledgment they get for their perfect attendance records. All of that would be no more.

To that end, no more phone calls, visits to people's homes/jobs,etc. If someone ceases coming, whether it be to go to another cOC, a denomination, they have "turned their back on God", or they have decided to become a hermit, then realize and respect the fact that they came to that decision on their own, and there is absolutely NOTHING anyone can do to change that. Hounding someone is not going to bring them back. Threatening them with afterlife predictions isn't going to do anything either. They are just, simply GONE. Accept it and move on. After all, what is more important for the congregation? Moving forward, or being stuck on an issue of one person who used to go there but no longer does? A congregation cannot move forward this way. A deacon/elder's efforts are MUCH better spent doing something else rather than trying to chase down a former member.

Also, no third degree treatment of visitors. Be nice and respectful. And for goodness sake there are to be NO questions about their family's church going status. Example: "So, what brings YOU to town?" "I'm visiting my (relative's name here). "Oh, and they are.....?" (Person doing the asking looks around, automatically just assuming that the visitor's relatives HAVE to be someone from there). Those questions are obnoxious and only make the visitors feel awkward. Because then, the person is made to feel like they must explain that either A) their relatives are not church attenders OR B) worse yet, they go to a denomination!! Yikes!!

If I could, I would make the CoC more open to change in the first place. I was actually told as a child that it was right to be narrow minded, because we were to "walk the straight and narrow path".

sonicrainkrieg42 wrote:If I could, I would make the CoC more open to change in the first place. I was actually told as a child that it was right to be narrow minded, because we were to "walk the straight and narrow path".

Making a change is nigh impossible for these churches, and when they have changed over the years it's usually something that further seperates them from mainstream Christianity. They have an innate fear that any change puts them on a slippery slope that leads to apostasy.

Moogy wrote:

love wrote:Who is the member who keeps wanting respondents to **** off? What is your real issue that you can't be more to the point than the use of such ugly and unnessary retorts, and dear whomever you are, I am not interested in "baiting anyone", I am hear to listen and learn where I can eventually chart my own destiny. Not to cast barbs.

Just ignore BH. He's like a mascot troll here. He likes to stir things up, but he is actually a good guy when you get to know him. And FYI, he really is Muslim. I do wish he would leave out the f***. I don't like that language.

My signature is an actual pm someone sent me here. Just because you asked so nicely I am going to go edit out the f word right now.

B. H. just sometimes brings out the best in people - not.

B.H. wrote:

Moogy wrote: I do wish he would leave out the f***. I don't like that language.

My signature is an actual pm someone sent me here. Just because you asked so nicely I am going to go edit out the f word right now.

Ah, that was very nice of you, BH. Thanks.

B.H. wrote:They need to start praying towards Mecca and having their scripture readings from the Quran.

Might open their eyes.

OneStrike_ur_out wrote:Right off the bat, that horrendous attendance policy would be gone. No more punishing the members because they weren't there. Life happens. People get sick. Family members get sick. There is no getting around that. And even more so, those who never miss under any circumstances are NOT to be propped up and idolized and used as examples. Those who make church attendance the one and only priority in life are not better than everyone else. Making 100% of the services 100% of the time proves NOTHING. All congregations have those types, and a lot of them thrive off of the accolades and public acknowledgment they get for their perfect attendance records. All of that would be no more.

To that end, no more phone calls, visits to people's homes/jobs,etc. If someone ceases coming, whether it be to go to another cOC, a denomination, they have "turned their back on God", or they have decided to become a hermit, then realize and respect the fact that they came to that decision on their own, and there is absolutely NOTHING anyone can do to change that. Hounding someone is not going to bring them back. Threatening them with afterlife predictions isn't going to do anything either. They are just, simply GONE. Accept it and move on. After all, what is more important for the congregation? Moving forward, or being stuck on an issue of one person who used to go there but no longer does? A congregation cannot move forward this way. A deacon/elder's efforts are MUCH better spent doing something else rather than trying to chase down a former member.

Also, no third degree treatment of visitors. Be nice and respectful. And for goodness sake there are to be NO questions about their family's church going status. Example: "So, what brings YOU to town?" "I'm visiting my (relative's name here). "Oh, and they are.....?" (Person doing the asking looks around, automatically just assuming that the visitor's relatives HAVE to be someone from there). Those questions are obnoxious and only make the visitors feel awkward. Because then, the person is made to feel like they must explain that either A) their relatives are not church attenders OR B) worse yet, they go to a denomination!! Yikes!!

I couldn't have said this better myself. The strict attendance policy was brutal at times. It's the reason I never went on a proper vacation until I was 19 years old and out of the house. We could never miss church, not even one Wednesday night. Our entire lives revolved around being at church Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night. When I left, the phone calls drove me up the wall. After over a month of constant phone calls, unannounced visits at my apartment and cards in the mail, they still didn't get the hint. I sometimes wondered if I didn't move and get a new phone number not long after how long that would have lasted. And although I was rarely ever a visitor at another church, the few times I was I felt beyond uncomfortable with members bombarding me trying to get my full life story. Just thinking about these things make me realize just how much stress has been lifted off of me by escaping this church.

MusicMan826 wrote:

OneStrike_ur_out wrote:Right off the bat, that horrendous attendance policy would be gone. No more punishing the members because they weren't there. Life happens. People get sick. Family members get sick. There is no getting around that. And even more so, those who never miss under any circumstances are NOT to be propped up and idolized and used as examples. Those who make church attendance the one and only priority in life are not better than everyone else. Making 100% of the services 100% of the time proves NOTHING. All congregations have those types, and a lot of them thrive off of the accolades and public acknowledgment they get for their perfect attendance records. All of that would be no more.

To that end, no more phone calls, visits to people's homes/jobs,etc. If someone ceases coming, whether it be to go to another cOC, a denomination, they have "turned their back on God", or they have decided to become a hermit, then realize and respect the fact that they came to that decision on their own, and there is absolutely NOTHING anyone can do to change that. Hounding someone is not going to bring them back. Threatening them with afterlife predictions isn't going to do anything either. They are just, simply GONE. Accept it and move on. After all, what is more important for the congregation? Moving forward, or being stuck on an issue of one person who used to go there but no longer does? A congregation cannot move forward this way. A deacon/elder's efforts are MUCH better spent doing something else rather than trying to chase down a former member.

Also, no third degree treatment of visitors. Be nice and respectful. And for goodness sake there are to be NO questions about their family's church going status. Example: "So, what brings YOU to town?" "I'm visiting my (relative's name here). "Oh, and they are.....?" (Person doing the asking looks around, automatically just assuming that the visitor's relatives HAVE to be someone from there). Those questions are obnoxious and only make the visitors feel awkward. Because then, the person is made to feel like they must explain that either A) their relatives are not church attenders OR B) worse yet, they go to a denomination!! Yikes!!

I couldn't have said this better myself. The strict attendance policy was brutal at times. It's the reason I never went on a proper vacation until I was 19 years old and out of the house. We could never miss church, not even one Wednesday night. Our entire lives revolved around being at church Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night. When I left, the phone calls drove me up the wall. After over a month of constant phone calls, unannounced visits at my apartment and cards in the mail, they still didn't get the hint. I sometimes wondered if I didn't move and get a new phone number not long after how long that would have lasted. And although I was rarely ever a visitor at another church, the few times I was I felt beyond uncomfortable with members bombarding me trying to get my full life story. Just thinking about these things make me realize just how much stress has been lifted off of me by escaping this church.

Attendance was always a big deal during my C o C days. Hebrews 10:25(as with other C o C "proof texts" taken out of context) was used as a weapon against those who missed services.

I went to a church that practiced visitation by showing up unannounced. It was kinda like the cops showing up to question someone. But, they set aside a specific night of the week so anyone wise to the routine knew not to be home or answer the door.